Returning home was a big decision for me to make.
Packing up and making the long trip to the airport alone was rough, but I somehow held myself together. Thinking of all the things, places, foods, experiences, and people I would no longer be able to be with was a lot for my mind to juggle.
I've been home for three months now and still things do not feel normal. I am not sure they ever will. Everything feels a bit underwhelming now. I had grown too accustomed to excitement filling every moment of my life. Every part of me is just waiting for my next adventure.
I wanted to share my initial impressions of my arrival home.
1. Parking Lots - Man was it weird to see a bunch of parking lots. Just seeing all the open space while I was about to land at Chicago O'hare Airport was a strange sight to me. I don't think I saw any large parking lots the entire time I was overseas. Most parking in Korea are underground, so they are never seen. That or most people do not have cars, since public transportation is so widely used. Seeing a giant, flat parking lot filled with cars isn't commonplace there, it would be seen as a waste of space.
2. The Space - My second impression upon coming home was how flat everything seemed to be. Immediately I was missing Korea's mountainous terrain, with all of its slopes, crests, valleys, and small towns nestled in between. I enjoy the wide open spaces where I grew up, but after spending so much time in high rise areas where everything from businesses, to restaurants, to homes were stacked on each other I just felt out of place.
3. 'American Behavior' - I understand this topic is controversial and certainly doesn't apply to everyone, but....
The airport was ridiculous. Out of everywhere I've been I have NEVER felt more uncomfortable or unwelcome at an airport. Nothing was properly marked, no one knew where they were going, and staff was shouting at the passengers in annoyed voices telling them where to go...to people who couldn't understand. It was an international terminal...you can't take for granted that everyone who just got off their flights can understand your loud angry voices. Even I, who am an American citizen, felt like I was being interrogated and under suspicion. It made me regret returning to such an openly arrogant, entitled place. There is so much more out there than small minded people can comprehend. If only people would open up and be a bit more accepting. Culture is a gift. I don't think people should be so quick to judge or feel threatened by it.
4. Car Windows - After I left the airport and during my entire trip home, being able to see into people's vehicles felt really wrong. The car windows in Korea are so deeply tinted you typically cannot see anything inside it, aside from maybe a slight shadow. I liked it. I wish I was able to have tinted windows on my vehicle. Being able to see inside cars as I was driving felt like an invasion of their privacy.
5. Rural Living - I was thrilled to be reunited with my Great Lakes. Thrilled to be back to the water. At the same time, the city, and all it offers is calling to me too. Now that it is cold, I feel at a loss for what to do. It isn't like there are any cafes, karaoke, restaurants or street vendors near my home I can frequent. I miss being able to have a drink wherever I want, without threat of legal punishment. I miss places being available to spend time with friends that aren't dive bars or middle of nowhere. There is no public transport, so getting around anywhere is a hassle, and a lot of gas. Plus, my fashion changed while I was gone. I have some nice clothes now. I enjoy dressing up and now I no longer have a reason to. I need an excuse to look nice! I couldn't possibly wear my nice clothes if I am going to be going around in the woods. I like both lifestyles, but I want to be picky and live both at once.
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| Going from Seoul to this is a bit of a shock. |
6. Language - It is nice to be able to understand everything again, and to be able to do things on my own. However, I'd be lying if I said I didn't miss hearing Korean all the time. Plus, it is nice to be able to block out all the noise sometimes because you don't understand it anyway.
7. My Job - I decided to leave Korea because I was becoming burnt out as a teacher. I loved the kids and I miss them dearly, but teaching wasn't meant for me. It was time to find something more suited for me. Well boy did I. I am lucky that I can say I am happily working at an animal hospital now full time. It may be temporary until I return to school, but I love my job every day. Here is to building that resume.
8. The Loneliness Doesn't Disappear - I didn't think it was possible to be more lonely than I was overseas. I was wrong. My friends may have been hours away, but at least they were in the same country as me. At least I could see them on the weekends. Now I have nothing. I don't know anyone, have no one to talk to and no one to go spend time with. I feel desperate to get out and meet people, but I don't know how. Being in a rural area seems to be making it even harder.
If only I could have the best of two worlds...
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